Which is a really different story for me.
I've always had this concept embedded inside of me that should i gain something wonderful, i would lose something of equivalent value as well. Its the same as the law of alchemy, which if some of you watched the anime "Fullmetal alchemist", is the opening line before the OP starts to roll.
I always felt that this law applies for anything under the sun, including love.
Meeting SJ was something beyond expectation, and with every kiss he gives me, it made me felt incredulous at the fact that this human being chose me out of so many other girls (of which he could easily get if he wants to) even though i am flawed in so many ways. Before you start, hold your guns. I'm not trying to fish for any kind of compliments, and you do not have to shower me with any types of comfort or 'but you're good too!' sorta words.
I just feel extremely lucky, and lucky is a very intangible concept.
Luck comes and goes.
I've seen so many stories with amazing beginnings but bitter endings, endings which are beyond your greatest imaginations, endings which scared the life out of you.
People say we should fall in love, and we should do it bravely. But i'm never one to go for something which relies so much on uncertainty and emotion. Love is never logical, and things happen.
I can't lament or get a sum of insurance back should this relationship fail.
I can't get any refunds back on the time, effort and sacrifice i had invested in should this relationship fail
But similarly, i wouldn't know what the future would be like if i don't plunge myself in and take a risk.
Love should always involve risk, but calculated risk.
Falling in love is akin to being an entrepreneur, you have to think of all the possible risks and dangers involved, try your best to solve it and most importantly, know that failures can happen but it would make you stronger and much more experienced in that particular area.
But sometimes, entrepreneurs fail and fall from the very top to the very bottom.
Love is probably the same, but i would rather lose the cash than the ability to love.
I have absolutely no idea why did i just typed a whole chunk of rubbish and senseless words which probably makes no sense to anyone, but i guess that's how i feel now.
I want to jump right in and believe that this is the relationship, but part of me just kept holding me back. I wonder how it feels like to love someone 100% and give him your all. I wonder how it is to love someone that much.
I think its scary to love someone that much.
I probably can never do that this lifetime.