Saturday, October 26

Let's talk about history.

I was organizing my computer when i saw some old pictures of me lying around today. Decided to take some time to reminiscence about those times. Yeah, get ready. I aren't exactly decent-looking in the past. Definitely.

So here goes nothing.

Lower Secondary

This was the time when i felt that i should start living a new life. I hated my primary school life pretty much, and even though i had a few good friends here and there, it wasn't exactly a period of time worth remembering or even, to miss about. If possible, my last year in primary school was the time i wanna delete away. But you know, there's always things you learn about from bad experiences. So even though i was depressed and sad, it was something that i needed to go through and learn.

Secondary School signaled a new change for me. A new school, new people and a new chance to make things right.

I entered a new class, i made new friends and generally lower secondary was a blast for me. There were a few conflicts here and there with my clique, but eventually it ended well. 

That's me when i was in Sec 1. The three of us were a clique sorta thing. I always liked the idea of "clique". It made me felt a sense of belonging, that somebody would be there for me, and i wouldn't be the "leftovers" during group formation or PE games. It was important to me all along, a sense of belonging.

This was my teacher. She's really fun and i remembered her always wearing the same old skirt around and we would teased her about "wardrobe crisis" during morning assembly. Well, now that i'm working, i know that feeling. 

I joined badminton because i wanted to slim down (i mean really, who wouldn't if you were at my size?) I made even more friends, and being in a sports CCA, team work and spirit was always something you kinda cultivate. I met one of my best friend, Joey, and also my favorite senior, Huili there.

Upper Secondary

I moved to a new class, and i wasn't able to get into the same class as Joey and Hwee Chin because my science results sucks. Oh wells, i always know i sucks in maths and science. I got into a new class, and i dreaded the feeling of having to make new friends again. What if nobody likes me? What if im alone all over again? 

Yupp, and till this date, i was glad the appeal didn't went through. I met many people there, and it made my life experience a much fuller, and a much meaningful one. I had people to go to during breaks, i had friends who ask me to go to lunch. 

Everything may seems so little, so easy to you, but to me, kinda the mere fact of having people wanting me to be there was enough. I was never a good relationship person. I can't put my thoughts into words without hurting people, i make sensitive jokes. 

I always knew that the reason i had so many friendship problems in my life - that there is really, something wrong with me as an individual. Like everyone would say, if everyone hates you, its probably your fault. 

Sometimes i wonder how people around me stand me - i feel that i'm a really bad person. I don't know why people would make friends with me. I'm afraid to make friends because i foresee them leaving one day if we were to hang out too often.

So, this entry is a useless one. It's talking about how failed i feel as a friend. LOL. So im gonna take this opportunity to apologize to everyone, and anyone whom i had hurt before in any way. I don't mean it in any way, but it didn't come out right i guess. I had always been bad with words.

But yeap, i still wanna thank everyone in those pictures (or not but made an impact in my life - like we do talked for more than a sentence back then) who made my secondary life such a wonderful one. I really missed those times sometimes, when everyone would just chiong for 'O' level, have dinner and just enjoy youth in a sense while dealing with exam stress.

Woah. emotional post man. Its a sudden thing, so hmm, i guess people do get more emotional at night. Gonna pop and sleep now. I wonder how many people would read this, but i think i'm gonna try and be a better friend to the ones i meet next time in my life.

So yeap, good night love. x

P.S// i always thought typing a "x" makes everything cute. It does doesn't it /smiles like an idiot

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