Relationship problems

Relationship problems. Don't get me wrong when i say relationship - it meant more of my family relationships. 

I just wanna write down my own thoughts over here so that whenever i feel like flaring up or going all negative, i can read on what a calm and unnerved Jane is thinking about.

Yes, i do love my family. Since young, i had always dreamt of the entire family living together in a really big house and everyone can take care of each other and celebrate festive days together. Its kinda like my goal when i was young. Yeah, was. I started to grow older, and i realized that many times, things aren't as simple as you want it to be.

There are problems in every family. Each and every family. You might not know them, and people conceal all these dark secrets well, but over the years, i have had friends whom dad had second families, child who don't talk to their parents much, or just a really strained vibe behind closed doors.

I'm not trying to get pity from readers here, because at the end of the day, its my matter and i don't need someone to interfere with my family issues. I'm writing here so you can read if you want to, but i am the one who is gonna make everything right, and not you. Thank you for respecting that.

I have been going through a very tough time with my mum ever since i came back from Beijing. I am not sure why, if its me, or her. We get into arguments very easily, and we quarrel. A lot. Its to the point whereby i am sick of posting related tweets or status anymore. 

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I love my mum, and i share a very close bond with her. I am from a single parent family because my parents separated when i was young. My mother re-married and i got together with my current family. We love each other, and there are no stupid step-dad problems which you would hear and know from stories or dramas.

Maybe one, which is my dad would try to interfere as little as possible whenever i have a tiff with my mum. He probably felt that he did not have the authority to scold me or what, even though he do sometimes when i get overboard. So whenever i quarrel with my mum, its just me and her. War.

At the end of the day, we would be hurling venom at each other. The trigger is always something really small, but it would get to something really big. The problem between us is that she feels that i am not appreciative of her, and i feel that she is not appreciative of me. Its very irritating because we would have this constant heated debate which ends up in ruins, 90% of the time.

I blame myself for being too prideful sometimes. I am not someone who show my love that easily, to anyone. I joke and i say hurtful things at times, but i don't mean it. BUT, the problem starts when i am too prideful to go saying sorry, being the "loser" of the war.

I'm not sure if the relationship can go back to the old times. There was once we are inside a taxi and i would lean on her shoulder if it was before, but even though we were not quarreling at that point of time, its hard for me to be intimate with her anymore. It just feels awkward and make me pauses. In the end, i didn't.

Thank you Violet for coming to ask me what's wrong and gave me some of her thoughts and views on the matter. Its nice to just listen and share. Yeah. Thanks girl!<3

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On a side note, i read Ohsofickle's blog today and saw her latest post. Pretty wow at the drama, because sleeping with your friend's boyfriend when you are attached yourself is pretty fuckedup in my opinion. Not one to judge, but still gonna judge. Too fucked up.

I hope you can kiss your new guy on the lips without thinking of your friend.