Tuesday, August 20

Love

What's love to you? 

I have never been a big fan of relationship or love. I was quite distraught and disappointed when my first relationship did not work out - & i honestly thought that relationships are meant to last. At least for me. I kinda failed to take into consideration all the other problems that would poke out along the way, and just felt that it's natural to always be together.

Getting together with SJ was something i did not expect to happen at all. I was all ready to explore Beijing as a sole traveler (since i did not know my roommate, Deborah at that point of time), ready to engage a cosplay photographer to help me shoot, and meet new cosplay friends from Beijing. Not mentioning, i was planning to slim down because i am supposedly going to be working & tired from all the workload. I did not plan for clubbing nights, or drinking sessions and definitely not a new relationship. & these, are all the stuffs that happened instead:


  • Complete hiatus from the cosplay scene for 9 months, except for chatting with a few friends i got to know before i went over
  • Getting drunk for the first time
  • Getting drunk AND lost for the first time (my god)
  • Three consecutive nights of clubbing
  • Endless drunk nights
  • Being with Sijun even though i didnt expect it AT ALL (Pleasant surprise though :D)

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

There are so many other things that happened, but having it all written out here would be like baring myself naked to strangers, so probably not. But in any case, the worst was really getting lost whilst I'm drunk. So basically for that 6 hours i have no memory at all where i am, who i am with, and whether if i'm raped or gonna be sold to some India country (shudders).

I do remember a man driving me around in a taxi, and we went to all the Crowne Plaza in Beijing. LOL. Anyway, i seems to be deviating from the topic of this entry. HAHA. But yeah, anyway it basically just meant that i always feel that love works in a weird way, and lands unexpectedly on you. I can't lie and say that i don't crave to have a boyfriend after being single for three years, but it just did not appeal to me that much. I find being in a relationship tiring and energy consuming.

  • Reply all the sms timely & have chats now and then
  • Hardly anymore alone time for you to think
  • Additional expenses and you would be watching every new movie released since
  • More meals outside so FAT + EXPENSIVE
  • Drama if there are quarrels
  • Some guy friends would even stay away because they are afraid your boyfriend would be jealous
  • Probably friend-less with your boyfriend's friends if you guys ever broke up

But yeah, i think i am a pretty lazy girl and #1 would get to me a while after i'm in a relationship for a period of time. Plus, i feel that if you guys ever break up, like wtf, what would happen to all those pictures, videos and like all the things you guys have memories of and stuffs like that. Its like, "am i supposed to delete them? awkward" , "be friends? awkward" , "mutual friends? awkward".

LOL, but there are so many things to think about after breaking up. Plus, the dependency you probably have on him along the relationship would really have you being crushed because you can't get used to single-hood that quickly. It's like, empty weekends, you can leave your phone at home and nobody would call, you won't watch anymore movies and you won't have someone to hug during sad days. I hate this the most. Its like, if you wanna avoid this, you have to be independent. But if you are, then you won't bond as a couple because he probably feels that you don't need him. (Experienced this first-hand when i first got together with SJ. I did everything by myself because i can't help but have to see through the entire thing by myself because i was afraid things would go wrong once i let go of it)

Anyway, yeah. Sounds and feels weird to talk about all the negative stuffs about relationships since i have no dissatisfaction with my current one, and feels absolutely happy and lucky to be in one. I guess what i wanna say is that at the end of the day, love isn't that "woah woah" because there are pretty much a lot of responsibilities attached to it. Money, time and effort. Lotsa of efforts, and you would have to sacrifice some stuffs, like for me i'm having lesser anime and cosplay time going on. But i'm also getting a little outta of the scene, having other priorities in life. 

So, to all single friends out there. Be it male or females, single or broke-up, remember that love is not everything. There are so much other things worth living your life for. Yeah, it sucks to not have someone there and it sucks being single and not meeting him anymore, but basically i feel that love is just something you can't control, like it's either here or not. So my opinion would be to have the "have then have, don't have then don't have" mentality when it comes to stuffs that you can't really control.

Holy moly, this is such an emotional post. & coming from a happily attached girl probably didn't sounds convincing. But yeah, i have seen so much relationship dramas around me during my single-hood that it kinda got me all negative about love until mine came.

Just wait for the right one. It will come naturally.

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