Midweek lament

I am blogging this on Sunday morning, at 3.05am right now because i am contemplating between watching the next episode of The Originals and sleeping when i came across this article. 

Stop Treating Your Life Like A Resume-Builder

How many people enter a line of work or pursue a career not because it is fully engaging and fulfilling and rewarding, but in part because of its apparent prestige? It often seems as if we live to impress others, rather than truly live for ourselves. 

I think this is very true, about how we often seems to live to impress others, rather than truly live for ourselves. Ever since i entered into the workforce, i realized that it's extremely hard for me to refuse a job. I want to do it all, and i want to do it nicely with a good finishing. I go my way out to help friends even when i feel that it will hurt my relationships with another individual. I try not to make incessant remarks in view of conflicts and unnecessary confrontations. 

I have self-diagnosed myself to be consumed with the "Caregiver personality disorder", which is something an ENTJ shouldn't have unless ENTJ is a personality i perceived myself to have, but otherwise doesn't have it. 

Or maybe there's just a whole spectrum of personalities i dissolve myself in, on days when i feel extremely confident and on days when i feel like a piece of shit.

I really don't mind helping people, but how many times i wonder, would the help be appreciated? Am i simply being treated as a doormat, a disposable emotional stop-over, or basically just someone who would take all your shit and convert it into "simply being helpful?"

I guess the cruelty and how shitty some people can get is just, amazingly crafted and hidden behind their true agenda. My mum always say i am gullible and foolish. I beg to differ.

I just want to trust in the good of people, but many a times, people are far too twisted inside out for you to take such a chance.

Confrontation is something i need to learn to face, and people need to understand that help isn't always there when needed.

xoxo